Life in addiction was a miserable existence. I was a slave to the drugs they controlled every waking hour and they took from me everything and everyone that was dear to me. I lacked any emotional connection to my family, friends and society in general.
I had grown an emptiness that I never thought possible. Very rarely did I express any emotion of happiness or compassion. The dominate feelings in my day were anger, sadness, fear and regret. These feelings along with drug induced episodes of psychosis turned me into lonely soulless and in the end very violent man.
I felt this was the only way for me to express my feelings, I felt one out, at war with the rest of society. I was soulless; I had lost any sense of self-worth, self-respect and direction. Eventually the law caught up with me and I’m thankful for that. I was given another chance of life and allowed into treatment again.
It was difficult for me to come back here, 20kg lighter and lacking any substance in my personality. I had reached the end of my using, it was over. Now after being clean for 92 days I’m regaining the things I had lost. My family is back in my life, my sanity is returning.
I feel a range of emotions; some hard, some not so hard but I’ve learnt with the help of my WHOS Hunter peers, staff and self help meetings (NA) I never have to use over these feelings again. I feel supported and able to be supportive. I take pride in this TC community and myself. I have direction, I have goals. I want to live now. I enjoy my life. I am grateful. I’ve come to realise that the only way for me to successfully complete this program is to live by the principles that this program and NA are based on. I must be open, honest and willing in all my affairs.
I also must not forget what it’s like here in the early days and show compassion and empathy to the newcomers and lead by example. I would like one day to work in this industry as it’s something I’m very passionate about.