My story begins early in my childhood...

My story begins early in my childhood, perhaps even at birth but there are turning points, pivotal moments that change everything. My pivotal moment was when I was 14. Things had never been good at home, a combination of many bad factors.

I had been circling with a bad crowd for sometime, so when I ran away from home it just got worse. It started with smoking pot, what’s so bad about that right? Most kids do it; well that’s what you tell yourself. But smoking pot soon leads to other things like acid and speed and before I knew it, it was my 15th birthday and I was having my first injection of heroin. It was something I always swore I would never do but you become immune to your morals. Time went by and the more heroin I had, the more I could forget all the morals I had, all decency gone. Crime, theft, violence, anything for one more hit and with these comes court, jail and humility. You wake up one day and find yourself with a boyfriend who you can’t stand, but you stay because you know it means free heroin. I found myself sitting in dirty alleyways shooting up, I felt disgusting. Sometimes it’s like you’re watching yourself, like you’re there but you aren’t, if you know what I mean.

At 16 my best friend died of an overdose and as much as you hate the smack for killing her, it’s the only thing that will numb the pain. And how could I face her mother at her funeral and pretend I didn’t touch the stuff that killed her baby, when I did. I looked at my arms and saw tracks, I looked at my boyfriend and saw a heroin dealer and I realized I was a junkie. I had been for sometime, but you never quite realize when you cross the line from being a drug user to a junkie. I cried and cried, and no matter how many junkie mates I had I knew I was alone. I knew I had to get out then or I would die, but I also knew I had to cut all ties, all my “friends”, my boyfriend, everyone associated with heroin. It was the only way.

I was on the waiting list to see a rehab councilor but the wait was too long, I needed to see someone that day, now. So once again I stuck that needle in my arm. I felt weak and hopeless, I needed someone to pick me up and make it better but I knew that wouldn’t happen. Shortly after my best friend came to me and told me she wanted me to quit with her. It was just what I needed the support of a close friend, someone to go through it with me. And we did it, together. I was always tempted to use again, especially in times of crisis, it’s comforting, soothing. I fell pregnant soon after and I knew I couldn’t be tempted, I had to be strong for my baby, and I was. I had that baby on my own and he kept me strong, he was my inspiration to go on and I knew that staying clean wasn’t enough. Everywhere I went junkies came up to me with my baby, I felt like I could never escape. My past was everywhere always looking for me. And no matter how clean I was, I would always be a junkie.

I had another baby, and 2 years ago I took my babies to Darwin to start a new life. I worked hard, bought a house and started fresh. I am no longer a junkie but just another mum in the school yard and I wouldn’t have it any other way.